Keeping Healthy in a Tech World
Call me old fashioned but I have a love hate relationship with technology, especially when it comes to communication. There’s no denying the ease of being able to send a quick email or text message, but what cost does this disconnected way of connecting have on our relationships? I believe in the importance of real life human contact in order for us to stay healthy and sane. Humans are social beings by nature and unfortunately (or fortunately!) a close relationship with our phones does not count. Rather than battling against the inevitable presence of technology, here are some tips on how you can use technology to your advantage in actually building closer relationships, without falling victim to isolation through technology.
1. Think of Technology as Your Supplemental Relationship Insurance
Our primary insurance covers the bulk of our needs (at least ideally), and when it comes to relationships, this is the real-time human to human interactions that are required to build healthy, secure attachment patterns. Technology cannot replicate all that happens hormonally when we are physically sitting with someone. Without getting too scientific, the chemical changes that occur in our body when we are have a rich, live encounter with someone, are also the changes that make us feel connected and attached to that person. While Face Time and phone calls may help us stay knowledgeable about someone’s day-to-day happenings, on a cellular level, we need more to really feel deeply attached to someone. So, think of the phone calls, text messages, emails, and Skyping as a supplemental maintenance plan to get you from one visit to the next; just be sure they don’t become the main way of trying to connect.
2. Read emails and text messages for information, not emotion
Have you ever read a text message and sworn the person was upset, only to discover that was not the case? While emojis do their part in adding some colorful expression to a message, even the best emojis fall short in communicating someone’s true feelings. So much can be lost in translation when it comes to communication via technology, so try to avoid reading more into messages than the information presented.
3. That applies to you too, try to avoid unleashing your own emotions via email or text message (and let’s even throw in social media)
More often than not, when we put hurt feelings into emails or text messages (or even social media posts), we’re not really looking to resolve the situation, but instead either unload our emotional discord onto someone else or simply seek catharsis while avoiding the awkwardness of conflict. Emails, text messages, and social media posts are not the optimal place to work through hurt feelings. Working towards healthy relationships means being able to have both conflict and resolution, but this kind of repair work gets lost in cyberspace. If you can’t follow up with the conversation in person, avoid using technology to broadcast your message.
4. Go offline from time to time
Designate time where the phone is off and the computer is away. In today’s world, we are constantly accessible, which is convenient for those wanting to get in touch with us, but has a tremendous toll on our relationships and ourselves. We need uninterrupted time to self reflect and build healthy relationships, if you are constantly reaching for your phone, how present can you truly be? Even if you start with just 5 minutes once a week, practice building in regular time where you are offline and working to be truly present in the moment.
(January 2019)
