Define impulsivity….
I find myself using the term “impulsivity” quite often to describe the heart of my work; and yet, it can be met with either the blankest of stares or the most understanding of reactions. For me, impulsivity is an incredibly inclusive term describing all the ways we can disconnect from ourselves, our relationships, and even our reality. Impulsivity encompasses acts of disconnection, behaviors that break our ability to stay engaged. Our humanness emerges in these common experiences of checking out of our present moment, and ourselves, in attempts to escape an experience – boredom, fear, anxiety, depression, heartache…. fill in the blank and someone has tried to disconnect from that circumstance. Impulsive behaviors simply create a catalyst for disconnecting in such moments.
We can be so quick to judge acts of impulsivity, but why wouldn’t we wish to turn to eating, our phone, gambling, sex, gaming, any way to tune out, in order to escape the unpleasant or monotony. To make it even more challenging to truly stay in the present, not only do acts of impulsivity allow us some reprieve from our current reality, most all of them make us ‘feel better,’ at least for a moment. The healing work is in answering, how do I find more grace and gratitude in learning to be present in my own skin rather than constantly looking to minimize or escape my experience through acts of disconnection?
As a therapist, my work is in helping you learn to be you in all contexts. This world needs less of you as an escape artist and more of you being you, which is where self-love and self-compassion become staples of healing work. It would be unfair to ask you to stay present in your skin and your relationships if you constantly doubt your worth or ability to do so. Ultimately, addressing impulsivity, however it may look, is more about coming to believe you deserve something more worthwhile and sustainable than the temporary fixes so readily available. You are more than capable of learning to be you, the real question is, what do you need in order to do so?
(February 2018)
