How did society get to be so hard on men?

Recently I was creating a flyer for a new men’s process group and did a quick Google search to find some images to include. The search results only confirmed the damaging messages broadcasted within our society about what it means, “to be a man.” In just a few moments I was flooded with images that diminish a man’s worth to his silence, muscularity, or income. With so much societal pressure for men to appear “strong” and “capable,” it is hardly surprising that many men may perceive therapy as somehow an admission of defeat. Studies continue to highlight the disproportionate number of men struggling with mental health and substance abuse issues verses the number of men who actually seek therapeutic services. The more societal pressures tie men’s hands from being able to effectively and healthily address the stress and emotional discord that comes from even the most common daily occurences, the more men may find themselves looking for ways to escape themselves, the pressures of life, and disconnect from others (because let’s remember, somehow our culture has perpetuated the idea that men should not talk about any “real issues” with anyone).

Let me be perfectly clear, no matter how emotionally or physically strong the man, all men, and all humans, are impacted by life circumstances. For men, this can become exponentially more complicated with the inundation of messages that a man can somehow be “less than” manly because of his basic humanness. If a man is expected to go through the human experience of living without the permission of expressing that humanness, no wonder a man might find himself turning to escape in:

ALCOHOL, DRUGS, GAMBLING, PORN, FOOD, EXERCISE, GAMING, SEX, WORK…..

This list could easily continue, and while none of these acts are specific to men, it is important to acknowledge the unique pressures men face as they walk through life. I sit in sessions with men every day who reflect these feelings of isolation and immense pressure to measure up to some unrealistic performance evaluation. Let us help break this stigma of what it means to be a man by honoring the diversity of the male population and promoting the message that a man is stronger because of his ability to be vulnerable, rather than in spite of his vulnerability.

(September 2018)