I would argue “fine” is both the most inventive and laziest word in the English language. It tells you absolutely no information and yet it is a socially acceptable answer to so many questions.
“How are you?”
“Fine.”
“How was your day?”
“Fine.”
“Are you sure you’re okay this?”
“It’s fine.”
But what would you be saying if you weren’t allowed to respond with, “fine?” Maybe the response would be one of contentment, but it could also just as easily be one of discomfort and emotional pain. Nondescript words such as, “fine,” or “busy,” or “good” offer us a safe out from having to be more vulnerable and emotionally raw in relationships. They give all the illusions of building emotional intimacy without the risk of sharing any actual personal information. Credit can still be given for both asking a question and offering a response, but without any of the richness of a deeper emotional exchange. Certainly this doesn’t harm the surface level interactions you have with the clerk at the grocery store, but how often in your friendships or partner relationships are these default responses accepted as an emotional exchange? Before you reach for another response void of any true meaning, challenge yourself to offer a more expansive answer. What can you share that offers something of value to the relationship? And just to be clear, YOU, your presence and being is a huge value to the relationship, so let the people you care about get to know you more! Challenge yourself to be more intentional with your responses.
By Laura Galinis, LPC
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